I'd already been warned that receiving the box can be disturbing. I'm certain different people react in different ways, and maybe it doesn't bother some recipients. Me, I cried. I'm going to cry again when I open it. Those clothes are the last physical links I have to my son. I suspect it may be awhile before I can bring myself to wash them.
It just feels very odd right now, like nothing will ever be quite the same, or even completely normal, again. And in truth, nothing will be the same. This is a point of radical disconnect in all of our lives, one that began when we said our goodbyes and left him with his recruiter, and ended today with the arrival of his clothes. We're going to have to adjust to what my husband has been referring to as "the new normal", where we're here and he's there, and our lives are no longer intertwined to any significant degree....
I suppose all parents go through this to some degree. Maybe this is what's referred to as empty nest syndrome, but I think there's more to it that just that. It would be different if he were, say, away at college or living out on his own in another city. He'd still be there, still be reachable if we needed him. I could pick up the phone and hear his voice, even if only on his answering machine's or voicemail's outgoing message. But where he is now, and where he will be after he finishes his "A" schools, prevents us from easy contact -- and could prevent us from any contact at all for extended periods, even in case of family emergency. And that scares me. I'm not sure why, but it does.
Give me some time and I'll adjust. Life will go on, the routine will resume.
But for now, you'll just have to excuse me while I go cry into my son's dirty shirt.
2 comments:
Don't feel bad about getting emotional about the departure of your son. What your son is doing is a brave and courageous thing--and hopefully he will never have to leave solid ground to do it.
Thank your son and your family. It takes a strong person to join the service--it takes a stronger family to support them.
Thank you, medicthree! You good people who risk your lives to save ours (whether EMS, fire or police) are pretty damned brave and courageous, too, if you ask me. Our local EMS and ER professionals saved my sorry butt last summer and will have my eternal gratitude!
As for my son not leaving solid ground . . . well, he's off at Navy boot camp, and has volunteered for submarine duty. He'll be safer under water than he would be in the Middle East, but he could well end up there during those periods when he's on shore duty. I foresee the need for large doses of prozac in my future...
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