Wow!

I'm losing whatever was left of my mind

Well, it's Day 10 of the weight loss plan, and I'm down a whole 4 pounds. Not bad, except that 3 of those appeared after I'd started exercising. So, net, down just 1. Weight loss has never been easy for me; I've had to fight tooth and nail for every pound, which is part of the reason why regaining those 20-plus pounds earlier this year was such a blow to my ego. But this time I really want to get them off and keep them off long-term. At 50, it's long past time when I should have seriously started looking out for my health, and I'm feeling the effects of not having done much on that front. Weight issues aside, my cholesterol levels and blood sugar and blood pressure (most days) are fine - in fact, my "good" cholesterol is at a high enough level I've had my doc comment that she wishes her readings were that good. But the extra pounds have taken their toll on my hips and knees, and my feet are just damn near flat these days. There's nothing I can do about any of that at this point. I just hope to keep additional joint failure to a minimum.

What I have no way of knowing is what toll has been taken on my cognitive health. Is there plaque build-up in my cerebral arteries? Are my brain cells really getting enough oxygen? Or is it just that, at 50, cognitive mental processes start to slide and there's not a damn thing I could have done differently to change that?

You see, what makes me wonder is that I've been noticing more and more that I'm forgetting things. My doc tells me not to worry, but I can't help it: There's Alzheimer's in the family. Well, not a definitive diagnosis of Alzheimer's per se, maybe more just what used to be called senile dementia, but it comes through my father's side of the family. Grandma was off in an alternate reality long before she died, and Dad's showing signs of going down the same road. So it scares me. I lose the word I'm looking for, I lose track of where I set things down, I walk through doorways and forget what I was going after. Okay, maybe that last one isn't anything new - that started shortly after I'd had our first child, and it hasn't gotten better in the intervening years. Back then I could attribute it to new-baby sleep deprivation - which begs the question, does sleep deprivation have lasting long-term effects, or am I just grasping at straws?

Today, for instance, I spent a good chunk of the morning excavating my desk. It needed it - badly. Organized I am not. My filing system tends to resemble nothing so much as an archaeological dig: I look for things by pile and stratum.

Stratum, from wikipedia:

"In geology and related fields, a stratum (plural: strata) is a layer of rock or soil with internally consistent characteristics that distinguish it from other layers. Each layer is generally one of a number of parallel layers that lie one upon another, laid down by natural forces.. They may extend over hundreds of thousands of square kilometers of the Earth's surface."

Yep, that's my desk in a nutshell. The "natural forces" in this case being my lazy-assed self. There's usually a stack of mail I need to deal with, a stack of Dad's bills and papers I haven't paid/filed yet, a stack of Squidboy's bank statements and mail, a stack of recipes I need to file . . . you get the idea. And it works for me. Most of the time, at least. If I wait too long to deal with the piles, everything kind of slides around and gets intermixed, and that's when trouble starts.

See, I knew I'd seen the bill for Dad's VA insurance recently, but couldn't find it. I tore through every pile on the desk and all I could find was the notice from the VA that the bill would be coming, but not the bill itself. The notice came back in late September and was still readily findable. The bill? Uh-uh. It wasn't in Dad's pile, Squidboy's pile, my pile, or the recipe pile. (BTW, just so you know, the household bills never even make it to my desk. Athos has charge of them - and for good reason, as you might imagine! LOL)

I called Dad to see if maybe he still had the bill; some few mailings still go to his old address and get forwarded to the new, and then he forwards them to me. Changing the address for the VA is going to require signatures from him and a copy of the power-of-attorney, and until late September I didn't even know I was going to have to deal with them at all on insurance. I was going to take care of that (and one or two other address changes also requiring paperwork and signatures instead of phone calls) when I drove down there a month or so back, but the trip got postponed and postponed again, and now I'm going in mid-January . . . weather and road conditions permitting.

So where was I? Oh, yeah. He didn't have the bill either. Panic ensued. I started tearing through auxiliary "filing stacks". No luck. I even called a good friend who visits Dad fairly frequently to see if he'd look through Dad's accumulated mail for it when he was there next. Dad's doing fairly well mentally most days, but when he asked three or four times what it was I was wanting him to look for, I started to worry that maybe he had it but just didn't recognize it for what it was.

And then I stopped . . . took a breath . . . and looked in the checkbook. Just in case, y' know? I couldn't find the damned bill because I'd already paid it. And not that long ago, either. Oy.

You see why I worry about my memory?

Pardon me while I bang my head against the wall for awhile....

At least my desktop is cleaner now. The accumulation of "Congratulations, you're pre-approved for our credit card!" junk mail has been shredded, the new credit cards for an account we almost never use have made a reappearance (which is why we hadn't even realized they were missing), the last few months' worth of bank statements are ready to be properly filed in the notebook as soon as I locate the hole punch, and I found the 2011-2012 planner that went MIA right after I bought it in October. I even found a missing prescription that I'd refilled a few days ago, one that came into the house with several Xmas-shopping bags - and promptly vanished in the chaos. If I keep going, I might actually have everything ready to do our taxes as soon as the year-end paperwork comes through next month, instead of the going through the usual oh-crap-where-did-I-put-that-file?!? routine that usually happens along about mid-March.

Or not. If I ever got that organized, the universe would probably come to a screeching halt, and I don't know if I want that on my conscience!

Mike Perry: "The Farmer Snort"

I do love Michael Perry's down-home sense of humor....

He has several books out, all of which are very funny and well worth reading. You can find his website and blog here.

Day 7

Just over 3 miles on the treadmill, no snow shoveling . . . although there is some that needs to be done. Maybe later? I ended up spending most of yesterday at the mall, trying to finish up Xmas shopping. (Hopefully all that walking counts for *something*, even if it was mostly stop-and-go!) I think I've got it whipped into shape now - finally found something for Jezzi (Technogeek's significant other) that I think she'll like. This should be a good Xmas.

OTOH, all is not good. I climbed on the scale this morning and discovered to my annoyance that I've gained three pounds. Oh, I expected it, it often happens when a person first starts exercising, the body retains more water until the muscles adjust. But it still sucks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Current movie: The Lion in Winter, the Katherine Hepburn / Peter O'Toole / Anthony Hopkins / Timothy Dalton version. The Patrick Stewart / Glenn Close version is all right, but I like the original better. I've always adored Katherine Hepburn; wish I had even a fraction of her talent!

Remember "Smiling Bob" of Enzyte fame?

Mule Breath has the rest of the story.....

Straight No Chaser - 12 Days video

'Borrowed' from Bayou Renaissance Man, who also 'borrowed' it. These guys are phenomenal!

"The Digital Story of Nativity"

Via GruntDoc....

A bit of a quandry

I'm dealing with a situation that has me flummoxed. (Pissed off, too, but that's another issue.) My dad is in his early 80s and is in a senior care center. He's pretty much self-sufficient as far as caring for himself and taking his medication as prescribed, he just never learned how to cook or do laundry, so he needs someone to do those things for him. And he's still pretty much "with it" mentally - he just has always had an annoying tendency to make up his mind based on what he thinks are the facts, and ignores the truth when it's inconvenient for him. He also has a habit of holding me responsible for things that are totally out of my control, sometimes even for things that have absolutely nothing to do with me. And if I point out that I can't do anything about the situation and don't want to hear about it any more (or, gods forbid, suggest what he can do to rectify things), I've been known to get "Why do you hate me so much?" in response.

So. Recently a situation involving my youngest and a visit to his grandfather that didn't happen arose. Squidboy had few days' leave time, and went back to Original Home State to visit the relatives. Athos' side of the family and my father live about two hours away from each other. Not knowing that Squidboy didn't intend to make the trip to see Grandpa because he never told me of his final plans, and based on the fact that the kid had told me he was "going to visit everybody", I let Dad know that he'd be in sometime over the weekend. Well, turns out the boy hadn't planned on making the drive. (As it turns out, he couldn't have rented a car for the trip - rules have changed, and generally a person under 25 can't rent a car these days.) To make things even better, he didn't even bother to call his grandfather despite promising to do so; he said he was "busy" when I challenged him about it afterwards.

Now his Dad is taking his disappointment out on me. He's convinced that Squidboy spent the entire weekend "following his uncle around like a puppy" (Dad's own words) and that's why he didn't visit. Not true; he actually spent very little time with Favorite Uncle, and was dragged around to various family functions while he was there. I explained the situation and told him to talk to the kid if he has a problem with the way things turned out. His response? "No, I won't do that." But he's willing to bitch at me about it. Mein Gott.

Now I have to decide whether to just bite my tongue and let Dad go on and on about everything and continue blaming me, or do I basically tell him to STFU about it. What I'm really wanting to say is, "I had no control over the situation. Talk to Squidboy if you've got a problem with it. ...No? So you think it's better to piss off the person who's paying your bills than it is to risk annoying the kid who can't even be bothered to call you?!?"

Not that it would do any good, I've never counted for as much as the boys have, them being penis-people and all. But it would sure make me feel better.

Day 5

No treadmill yesterday; I shoveled snow off the deck instead, and today even my rib muscles hurt from it. I did buy some new running shoes that are supposed to give me proper support and help keep me from over-pronating. That's probably one reason my knees ache so much of the time. And I've noticed that if I've been wearing footwear that doesn't have much built-in arch support, my knees and hips feel worse. Unfortunately, that includes the new snow boots that I ordered from The Animal Rescue Site a couple of weeks ago. I was going to link to them, but apparently they're out of stock. I got them for half of the regular price and wish I'd bought a second pair in another color - they're very very comfortable on my feet! It's like wearing tall-topped, furry-lined house shoes.

I didn't want to push too hard since I'm wearing new shoes (there's always a break-in period), so I only did a little over a mile and a tenth on the treadmill. But I did it at a little faster pace than I had been, so maybe it'll all even out.

A Christmas Poem

A fellow resident of Duck Puddle treated me to a copy of this:

A Christmas Poem
by Paul Gilmartin

Eggnog, tinsel, falling snow

Buttered rum and mistletoe

Christmas trees and hanging lights

The sound of carolers fills the night

Shopping hours long and hard

Visa phones and cancels card

Unpaid bills and mounting debts

Family gathers; depressions sets

Drinking starts, harsh words are said

Dysfunction rears its yuletide head

Argument turns to shovin'

Drunken brother punches cousin

Tree tips over, popping lights

Curtains catch, house ignites

No one hears the reindeer cries

Wedged in chimney, Santa dies

Though he kicked and did perspire

His chestnuts roasted on an open fire.

Not sure where she got it, but I found a copy here.

Simon's Cat: "Santa Claws"

And this is why we stopped putting up a Christmas tree years ago.....

Day 3

No treadmill today - my hips, knees and feet are still aching badly. Instead, I got my workout shoveling yesterday's (record breaking? - haven't seen the official numbers yet) snowfall. We cleared most of it off the parking pad and sidewalks with the snowblower, but there was still plenty to do by hand! There are places snowblowers just won't go, and they don't get all the way down to ground level. Which means that unless you want to have a half inch to an inch of snow left on your surface that will get compacted to ice, you get to remove it by hand. We don't like ice, except in our drinks, so we scraped and shoveled and (in areas) swept the drive and sidewalks as bare as we could get them.

Then there was the deck. And the 3' drift that had become almost 5' deep by the time Athos and Technogeek had pulled as much of the mountain of snow off the roof as they could reach with the roof rake. (A lot of it's still there, but at least the snow load on the roof has been reduced by about half.)

The parking pad and sidewalk had worn me out, so I'd come inside to recuperate while the guys cleared snow off the roof and dug out our basement windows. We have living and work space down there that we use daily, including a nice big room with half-height windows in the above-grade portion of the wall. That wall being south-facing, we get a lot of light in there with the snow drift removed - much nicer than having to use electric lights during the day!

Well, they got done and came in, and the fact that they hadn't dug out the south door onto the deck kept bothering me (the west one sometimes freezes shut and then we have to go through all sorts of hassles to get the dogs back to their kennel), so I suited back up mid-afternoon and went out and cleared the blocked door. I only had to shovel an area that was a little over 3' by 6' feet, which wasn't too bad . . . except most of that area was about 4' deep. So yeah, I got my workout for today....

Snow update

Twenty-four point five inches to the bottom of the curve. And it continues out at the same level for about 4 feet before it starts to dip off towards the edge of the deck. We get to plow our way around the house from the front door and shovel that shit off tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it. If we could manhandle the snowplow up onto the deck, I'd bloody well do it, but the beastie's just too heavy.

I don't know what the official snowfall totals will be (it's still coming down), but the neighbor who plows our long driveway anytime we get more than a couple of inches called just before dinner to ask whether we absolutely needed to get out tonight and could he please just come plow first thing in the morning, because he'd already gotten stuck earlier today - and that's with the big pickup with the angled blade on it!

Our mail didn't even go today! I called the post office this morning to see if I needed to try to get out to the mailbox (didn't think I could), fearing that the county snowplow might come by and tag our box (ours hasn't been hit, but neighbors' have) and we'd lose whatever mail was in it, to learn that our carrier wasn't able to access this area. And yes, this is the first time that's happened since we moved here over a decade ago. Forgoing mail delivery today was a good idea. We're not expecting anything that's worth someone's life.

Yes, it's snowing

Late morning:

Just a few minutes ago:

We're not going to be getting out through that door anytime soon. I think we've set a new record for a single-day snowfall amount in this area, and it's still coming down.

Day 2

Three point four miles, at a slightly faster pace than yesterday. Only today, it was all in one session. Yesterday I had to break about halfway through to have lunch with Athos. Not only are my feet, hips and knees screaming obscenities at me, but my shoulder muscles burn (holding straighter posture - and arm exercises too). I'm not a huge fan of pain, so I have to ask myself: I'm doing this . . . why? Oh, yeah, because I'm damned tired of having trouble bending over to tie my shoes. I should probably add some stretches to the routine, too, since I can't touch my toes without bending my knees. (Tight hamstrings.)

On the other hand, this is giving me the excuse opportunity to watch some movies I haven't seen in years. Nothing of what you could call major artistic merit so far, but fun movies nonetheless. Yesterday was Buffy the Vampire Slayer; today was Don Juan DeMarco. Anything from Captain Blood to one of the versions of Cyrano de Bergerac to the The Lord of the Rings trilogy to Howard's End could be next. (No, not really Captain Blood. But only because we don't have a copy!)

Time for some more ibuprofen....

Some people have NO sense of humor

Oh, give me a fuckin' break! He was talking to *adults*, not kids. You'd think 20 years on the job would count for something, but not at Macy's.

Day 1

Well, I did just under 3.5 miles in 90 minutes. Not too bad for someone who hasn't been walking all that much lately. Good news is, I didn't drop dead, and barely broke a sweat - which tells me I need to increase both speed and incline on the treadmill the next time. LOL The bad news is, this has made me realize that I need new walking shoes. If I remember correctly, these are the ones that got saturated with swamp mud while helping a neighbor fight a fire awhile back, and I ran them through the washer so they'd be wearable again. Somehow I don't think that did anything good for their cushioning ability. My feet hurt....

Reality check

We got more snow here today. Not a lot, just two or three inches of fairly fluffy stuff, but enough that clearing it off of the pavement was a good idea. Technogeek took care of most of it when he got home tonight; I probably should have started on it earlier in the day, but from inside it didn't look like much at all. Well, that "not much at all" adds up fast when you're trying to shovel it off of an area that will take six parked cars with room to spare! Technogeek got the sidewalks and about 3/4 of the parking pad before he gave in and dragged out the snow blower. It hadn't been started since sometime last winter and was a bit balky, so while he was arguing with it, I took the shovel to the area in front of Athos' workshop.

Friends, I learned something this evening: I am in much worse physical shape than I thought I was! It's time to get serious about both weight loss and exercise. I've been intending to do it, just hadn't managed to get around to it yet. You know, the "I'll start tomorrow" routine - but tomorrow somehow never comes. Well, tomorrow is damned well going to be tomorrow, because I'm tired of wearing my fat jeans and having trouble carrying a large bag of dog food from the car to the kennel. (I used to be able to sling 50-plus pound boxes of meat around without too much trouble, back in the day.)

So starting tomorrow, I'm going to hit the treadmill and the weight machine, and see if I can't get this 50 year-old body back into some sort of reasonable condition before Spring. While I'm not going to post my starting weight (too embarrassing!), I do intend to post regular weight loss totals. According to the BMI charts, I have around 50 pounds to lose. I don't anticipate being able to lose all of it by, say, early April, but if I can manage at least 30 lb. by then, I'll consider it a victory!

What makes my current situation particularly galling is that less than a year ago, I was 25 lb. lighter, and to find myself right back where I was before . . . well, frankly, it pisses me off. I'd fought hard to lose that weight. Mom's illness and death and eating mostly restaurant meals for a couple of months really started the downhill slide, and not working away from home has done the rest. A year of being mostly sedentary has not done good things for my health.

So, blogger friends Jean and Dori (and you few bored souls who stop by here occasionally), if I haven't posted any updates recently, please call me on it. Dori recently participated in the National Arthritis Foundation's annual Jingle Bell 5k Run/Walk (she talks about it here) and - even though I have no claim on any of her accomplishments - I have to say I'm awfully proud of her! Now maybe I can do something to make her proud of me.

Now, if you'll pardon me, I'm going to go take some ibuprofen for my aching back after shoveling snow earlier....

"The Winter Stalker"

I've always thought there was something a bit creepy about the whole "he sees you when you're sleeping" thing. Apparently, I'm not alone....

Unhappy kitty , part deux

I had to take her back to our veterinarian and have her ear rewrapped after it swelled back up and she kept leaking blood and serous fluid everywhere. The first bandage should have been in place long enough to do the trick, but not, apparently, on this pissed-off feline. If looks could kill, I would have been reduced to a puddle of protoplasm in the vet's office this morning. I am not her favorite person today!

Unhappy kitty

...had ear surgery this week. She's been unamused by the bandaging and the drain and having meds instilled into her ear canals twice a day. But she's also been more snuggly with Athos and myself, which is a plus. Normally she's very much Technogeek's cat and doesn't have a lot of use for the rest of us if he's around.

Sunday ramblings

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving! We just had a small gathering, Athos, Technogeek and his significant other, Jezzi, and myself. We opted to have a somewhat eclectic feast and blended one of our favorite European cuisines with more traditional American fare and generally had a good time. Squidboy was in port for the holiday but was unable to come home; when we last spoke with him, he'd thought he would be joining the family of one of his buddies for the day.

I didn't post an update when it happened, but we had to put "Cancer Cat" to sleep not quite two weeks ago. Until today, weather and work schedules hadn't been amenable to getting her grave dug, but Athos went out and took care of that before lunch, and we buried her. I thought I was cried out. I was wrong. We've lost "furry family" before (too, too many times!), but her death hit me particularly hard, and I'm not entirely certain why that was. Maybe it's because she was the very last of the pets who moved halfway across the country with us back in the late '90s. Maybe it was because she and her sweet little "twin from another mother" (who we lost last July 5th) almost always slept with me, usually on my pillow. Maybe it was because she had such a distinct personality. Whatever it was, she was unusually smart for a cat (my veterinarian will confirm that!) and beautiful and loving and I miss her terribly....

Christmas is less than a month away, and I have no clue what to get people! Oh, I have vague ideas for a few, but for most of the folks on my list . . . nada. Worse yet, I absolutely hate shopping in crowds. And I have lots of holiday baking to do. The next few weeks aren't going to be much fun....

On a final note, Mule Breath has his "Sunday Funnies" feature up again. Well worth the visit, especially if you enjoy seeing the TSA lampooned. One of my favorites:

More TSA abuses

Popehat has yet another good one up, The TSA’s Junk Gets Fluffed. Go read if you care about what the TSA is doing to the traveling public. Personally, I refuse to fly until the goons are restrained.

I probably shouldn't post this....

...and give Techgeek any ideas, but it's too good to pass up!